"Welcome to my evil lair." Her voice hummed, deep and rich like Lauren Becall's. She slinked over to us, tapping her whip against her long thigh. She was more exotic in person-- her hair wild flames, her eyes black coals and lips like fire. She stopped in front of Jack, nose to nose, and studied him like a sadistic schoolmarm. Then she turned to me.
"Interesting outfits," she said, running her whip up the inside of my thigh. "But rather gay, don't you think?"
"Hey!" Jack hissed. "Hands off the merchandise!"
"I told you we shouldn't have bought the costumes at the House of Newmar," I said.
She flicked the whip against my crotch.
I scanned the room. Nothing I could see that would deploy any heinous weapon. We had less than ten minutes left.
"Where is this so-called doomsday device?" I ventured.
"Yes, you would like to know that, wouldn't you?" she smiled slyly at me, then licked my nose. "It's safely hidden away, but tell you what--" she purred, "I might forgo destroying Shag Island if we have a friendly 'shag' between us. How about a little ménage à trois? Don't wait too long-- time's running out."
"Never," Jack said, crossing his arms. "I'm not sharing."
"W-wait a minute, Jack," I said. "M-my Great Aunt Emma lives on Shag Island!"
"I said no."
"What ever happened to make love not war?" she countered. "Very well. If that's your decision, there is no sense waiting."
She pulled out her cell phone. Her long, acrylic nails caressed it.
"An iPhone?" I said. "You're using an iPhone?"
"You didn't think I'd use a BlackBerry for such a sensitive operation?"
Jack was quick, but not quick enough; he snatched at the phone but missed. I went after her at the same time and wrestled her to the floor. Man, she had large breasts. Jack had her in a head lock and was trying to pry the phone from her hand when two armed goons rushed in: one, a mammoth of a man, dressed all in black; the other, a willowy fellow in white.
"Get off," she yelled. "Or I will destroy Shag Island! Only I know the code for the frequency to release the Furry Ray! I have only one more number to enter and that will be the end for Great Aunt Emma."
"But we have nine minutes left!"
Their submachine guns were leveled at our heads. I reckoned that this wasn't the time to find out if we were bulletproof or not. We both released her and stepped back.
She stood up slowly. "Yin! Yang! Take our captives to the control center so they may witness the full power of the Furry Ray!"
"What?!" I said. "You said if we released you, you won't do it!"
Jack rolled his eyes at me. "And you believed her?"
"I wasn't lying," she said to Jack. "I simply told you I wouldn't do it then, but now I've changed my mind. There's a price for doubting me. Yin, Yang, tie this blue-eyed hottie on top of the ray."
Yin had Jack by the arm with the muzzle of the gun under his chin. Yang smacked me in the head with the butt of his gun.
She slinked up to Jack and leaned into him. "It's not too late." I heard her whisper to Jack before they led us away. "I will spare your life and the lives of all on Shag Island-- one night. Me. You. And your handsome friend."
Will Jack agree to a threesome? Can Ennis save his Great Aunt Emma? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Find out the answer to these and many other questions in the next installment of: The Weathermen.