"Welcome to my evil lair." Her voice hummed, deep and rich like Lauren Becall's. She slinked over to us, tapping her whip against her long thigh. She was more exotic in person-- her hair wild flames, her eyes black coals and lips like fire. She stopped in front of Jack, nose to nose, and studied him like a sadistic schoolmarm. Then she turned to me. 

"Interesting outfits," she said, running her whip up the inside of my thigh. "But rather gay, don't you think?"

"Hey!" Jack hissed. "Hands off the merchandise!"

"I told you we shouldn't have bought the costumes at the House of Newmar," I said. 

She flicked the whip against my crotch.

I scanned the room. Nothing I could see that would deploy any heinous weapon. We had less than ten minutes left.

"Where is this so-called doomsday device?" I ventured.

"Yes, you would like to know that, wouldn't you?" she smiled slyly at me, then licked my nose. "It's safely hidden away, but tell you what--" she purred, "I might forgo destroying Shag Island if we have a friendly 'shag' between us. How about a little ménage à trois? Don't wait too long-- time's running out." 

"Never," Jack said, crossing his arms. "I'm not sharing."

"W-wait a minute, Jack," I said. "M-my Great Aunt Emma lives on Shag Island!"

"I said no."

"What ever happened to make love not war?" she countered. "Very well. If that's your decision, there is no sense waiting."

She pulled out her cell phone. Her long, acrylic nails caressed it.  

"An iPhone?" I said. "You're using an iPhone?"

"You didn't think I'd use a BlackBerry for such a sensitive operation?" 

Jack was quick, but not quick enough; he snatched at the phone but missed. I went after her at the same time and wrestled her to the floor. Man, she had large breasts. Jack had her in a head lock and was trying to pry the phone from her hand when two armed goons rushed in: one, a mammoth of a man, dressed all in black; the other, a willowy fellow in white.

"Get off," she yelled. "Or I will destroy Shag Island! Only I know the code for the frequency to release the Furry Ray! I have only one more number to enter and that will be the end for Great Aunt Emma."

"But we have nine minutes left!"

Their submachine guns were leveled at our heads. I reckoned that this wasn't the time to find out if we were bulletproof or not. We both released her and stepped back. 

She stood up slowly. "Yin! Yang! Take our captives to the control center so they may witness the full power of the Furry Ray!"

"What?!" I said. "You said if we released you, you won't do it!"

Jack rolled his eyes at me. "And you believed her?"

"I wasn't lying," she said to Jack. "I simply told you I wouldn't do it then, but now I've changed my mind. There's a price for doubting me. Yin, Yang, tie this blue-eyed hottie on top of the ray." 

Yin had Jack by the arm with the muzzle of the gun under his chin. Yang smacked me in the head with the butt of his gun.  

She slinked up to Jack and leaned into him. "It's not too late." I heard her whisper to Jack before they led us away. "I will spare your life and the lives of all on Shag Island-- one night. Me. You. And your handsome friend."


Will Jack agree to a threesome? Can Ennis save his Great Aunt Emma? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Find out the answer to these and many other questions in the next installment of: The Weathermen.

From: [identity profile] trekfan.livejournal.com

oh you FIEND! I think blowing poor Aunt Emma to kingdom come is a rather small sacrifice, but then again having a threesome to save the world (or at least Shag Island) is something that is Jack and Ennis' duty (just so long as I can have a ring side seat for the action :D)

so when is the next installment and will it be on at the same BAT time Same BAT channel? (am I dating myself :P)


From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Sometimes, some must suffer for the good of all. Such sacrifices!

And yes, it will be at the same Bat Time and same bat channel!



From: [identity profile] hoosier67.livejournal.com

Oh no! I think I personally would make the sacrifice of a hot threesome to save "Shag Island". But then again I always put others needs before my own:) Amazing how this story can be so sexy and funny at the same time.


From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

I think I take one for old Aunt Emma-- especially if it was with Jack or Ennis ;)

Amazing how this story can be so sexy and funny at the same time.
Thanks, Tracy-- I aim to please!


From: [identity profile] ifyoucantfixit2.livejournal.com

yOU!! are certifiably a nutt job now. This is for sure
the most wakadoodled story ever written for this fandome. I
love these. They are the greatest fun. It is just the very best to see every time they come up. Thanks for all the crazy
antics. love Janice

From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Yeah, I've been called nutty plenty during my life ;) At least I have a good way to release my insanity here.

Thanks so much for reading.


From: [identity profile] mariez65.livejournal.com

Great to see another chapter of this story. So, a three-way shag to save Shag Island, huh? I guess that makes sense in a perverted, diabolical way! LOL. This was hilarious, as always, and I especially enjoyed Yin and Yang - you clever thing you! Thanks, el!


From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Yes, a perverted, diabolical and horny super-villain with the hots for them both. Oh, my! What shall they do???? And you liked my Yin and Yang joke, too! Thanks in return to you, Marie.


From: [identity profile] tmn1966.livejournal.com

Oooh, Lauren Bacall has an awesome voice.

She stopped in front of Jack, nose to nose, and studied him like a sadistic schoolmarm.

My, you don't picutre sadistic and schoolmarm together usually, but I like it!

. . . then licked my nose.

Eeeewwww! That reminds me of Beetlejuice when the wife licked her husband's nose. That's what everyone's reaction in the theater was! Ick!

OMG, this is so much fun. I was just thinking about it and when you might start posting it again.

This reminds me of a mix of the old Batman television show and the Austin Powers movies.

Yay! This is fun!!!


From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Yes, I love Lauren Becall-- she was a smart, sexy woman. As for the sadistic schoolmarm, I knew one-- but she didn't look like Nefarious ;)

Thanks, Teri. I like your comparison to Batman and Austin Powers. I like both camp and crazy.

This is so much fun to write, and I know I get carried away at times, but hey, it all works out.


From: [identity profile] fl1789.livejournal.com

A threesome?!! With that bitch? Ewww....

fuck aunt Emma! I bet the boys will figure out to do :)

thanks x the update!!


From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Actually, the bitch is someone we all know! Poor Aunt Emma. There has to be a solution to this dilemma.

Thanks for reading.


From: [identity profile] camillar.livejournal.com

Loved it! This is just hilarious! I vote for threesome, only to save poor Aunt Emma, not for me ;)

From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

I thought it was ironic that people were commenting on threesomes over at David Cullen when I'd already written this.

I'm not saying yet how this will turn out! (because I don't even know yet)

thanks for commenting!


From: [identity profile] joetheone.livejournal.com

Not for any women

NO Jack will not do it. I'm sorry but enough is enough. NO MORE WOMEN. LOL Oh this is funny and exciting and just plain good. NO threeways with women. I'm sorry most of the people on here are women and nothing against them I do admire a nice pair of breast any day of a week. I may be gay but I'm not stupid they are beautiful. But, not with my man. Joe

From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Re: Not for any women

Ha! Well, Joe, Jack's not into her, and Ennis only wants to save Great Aunt Emma. I haven't decided exactly how this will all play out yet!

From: [identity profile] equally-dour.livejournal.com

Eeeep, they're back! :D

And I vote for a threesome, too. I'm just thinking about Great Aunt Emma's well being, that is all. :P

From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

We couldn't have Miss Tressmacher errr Ennis, have the ray destroy Hackensack NJ errr Shag Island.

Thanks for reading!


From: [identity profile] daze-ending.livejournal.com

You have the wackiest sense of humor here. I'd like to pick that brain of yours some time. Where do you come up with this?

From: [identity profile] el-wing.livejournal.com

Thanks, Drew. I don't know where I come up with some of this. I guess I'm a little be insane!

From: [identity profile] bowl-of-glow.livejournal.com

Threesome, threesome, threesome!

...for the sake of poor Aunt Emma, of course.
I'd miss her. *sniff*

Thanks for sharing!

From: [identity profile] lorna59.livejournal.com

What a terrific chapter - with the excitement and then the suspense at the end it was almost too much for me.

Thanks very much.