Love is Blind Chapter 30

[happy_never_after]

"Wait a minute, we haven't agreed to anything," Karen said. "Whatever you need to ask Jack, you can do it right here."

Ennis smelled rats. Really big, greedy rats-- way these FBI characters with beady eyes nosed around like they was searchin' for scraps to take back to their rat hole. No way they were gonna treat Jack like leftovers. 

Ennis knew he shouldn't be feelin' this-- but he could only push it away for so long-- his old self reared up: Here it is. Knew this was comin'. This is what happens ta people like me.  

Ennis always thought that the feds were supposed to protect Americans. Guess it depended what kind of American you was. What the hell were these fellas thinking puttin' innocent people's lives in danger? Shouldn't matter who ya love. Shouldn't matter none who or what they was. No one deserved this treatment-- especially his Jack! Now they were tryin' to take Jack away somewhere ta "talk" to him like he got no rights? He's a US citizen! They'd "talk" to Jack alright-- over Ennis' dead body!

As Ennis watched Elysburg and his men draw together like they was one unit, the big old man-made lake behind them started ta look more artificial by the moment. Noticed dead trees stickin' out of the lake. Even the color of the water weren't right-- weren't natural. A sign posted near them warned "this lake is unsuitable for swimming or bathing. Hazardous to your health." Seemed ta Ennis these fellas were a lot like the lake-- to the eye they looked fresh and clean but underneath they was poison. 

Ennis ached for real lakes and rivers that flowed natural and men who was like 'em. Men like Benito. With that ache came a fear that ate away at him-- fear for his friends. Never had a real friend 'sides Jack until now. Look, he'd already come ta call Benito a friend. And Linden. Mostly Ennis feared losin' Jack. Never wanted ta know what is was like to live life without Jack ever again. Since he'd found him, his heart never felt closer ta Jack-- not even on Brokeback. 

Brokeback was a dream-- remembered Jack's words that it was all they had. But now, this here was real, fer the first time what they had was out in the open and Ennis never wanted the most important part of him ta be secret ever again. No goin' ta places and hidin'. Ennis reminded himself, I deserve happiness. I deserve Jack Twist. Spent so many years believin' that happiness was never comin' for him, was hard to believe that he truly did deserve a better life with Jack. Ennis reined in his doubts and fast. Damn, he had to-- if not fer himself fer Jack's sake. Jack deserved more than what the good lord had seen fit to pass his way this last year, and if Ennis could do anything ta stop these men from messin' with Jack, Ennis would protect him to the bitter end.

Was like Linden read Ennis' mind. Linden spoke up with an edge in his voice that Ennis had never heard from him before. "If I'd have realized you were pulling the strings from the get-go," Linden said, eyes narrowin'., "I wouldn't have initiated this meeting. Jack is not, I repeat, not, going anywhere but back with us."

Ennis nodded in agreement, ballin' his fists. He was likin' this private eye more and more. Yes, he was both Jack's and his friend.

"You seem to think you have a choice in all this, Mr. Linden," Elysburg said, adjustin' his holster for effect-- that just pissed Ennis off more. Ennis got a look at Jack's face and fer someone who couldn't see, Jack knew what was happenin'-- saw Jack's entire body tense.

"That strong-arming doesn't fly with me," Linden shot back. 

Ennis stepped forward. "You touch Jack, and I swear I'll rip you apart," he barked. Ennis clenched his jaws and started to rush Elysburg like a bull. Was Jack who pulled him back fast from behind, strong hands held Ennis' arms tight.

Elysburg reached for his semi-automatic, but Chan grabbed Elysburg's wrist and shook his head.

"I think we need to all take two steps back and three deep breaths-- right now," Karen said.

Jack loosened up his grip on Ennis' arms. Ennis let his body rest back into Jack's. 

"I agree," Chan said, lettin' go of Elysburg's wrist. "Let's all take a moment and calm down." Elysburg put his gun back in the holster. Ennis' and Elysburg's eyes remained deadlocked on each other, and Ennis slowly loosened his fists. "We can talk right here-- no need to go anywhere." 

Jack stepped next ta Ennis, shoulder bumpin' his, and Nina sniffed Ennis' feet.

Elysburg shot his razor eyes from Ennis to Jack and then over to Chan. Seems Chan don't like this Elysburg none either, Ennis thought. His heart pounded, and he took the breaths like Karen suggested. It helped. When Jack decided Ennis musta cooled down enough, he let go of Ennis' arms, although Ennis still felt where the press of Jack's fingers secured him. Didn't look like Elysburg was takin' Karen's advice none, though. Only reason Elysburg was steppin' back was Chan. Became mighty apparent ta Ennis who was higher on the peckin' order of the two. Suddenly Ennis decided Chan was gonna be his new best buddy.

Elysburg feigned composure, took out a cigarette and lit it. Acted all cool, but Ennis saw his eye twitch-- knew that man was a controlled forest fire.

"Before I do any more talkin'," Jack spoke up, "I want ta hear more about what ya plan ta do ta protect my friends, family and me." Ennis looked over at Jack. His head was tilted up, eyes forward. Nina was sittin', bunched up tight against his leg, head tilted at the same angle and eyes trained in the same spot as Jack's-- right at Chan. 

"That's reasonable," Chan said. "Protection is our central motivator for bringing you in. Right now, you're highly vulnerable."

"No shit," Linden said.

"For more reasons than all of you are cognizant of--" 

"Chan, hold it right there--" Elysburg interrupted. 

"Jack needs to know if he's going to help us," Chan said to Elysburg, then turned back to Jack. "When you were in the hospital in Nuevo Laredo, we arranged to have a chip implanted inside you-- a tracking device. We brought in some surgeons to implant it in your arm. It's called an imposed identifier."

 "You stuck somethin' inside a me?" Jack asked, flabbergasted. "Where is it in my arm?"

"Wait a minute--" Linden said, snapping his finger. "That's how Donaldson's cronies knew where we were!" 

Chan nodded. "The information got leaked. Jack's movements haven't been secret."

"You've-- they've known where we were from the start?" Jack said, swiping his hand through his hair. "That's how come they showed up at Benito's place and followed us here!"

"And found us at that poor unfortunate Miss Parker's house," Linden added.

"This is bullshit! What right do you have doin' this! I don't believe I'm walkin' around with some weird thing in me. What else does it do? Is it like some damned remote control? Can ya make me do things?"

Chan and Elysburg held a straight face but the third agent smirked.

"That isn't possible to do," Chan said. 

"Or some damned explosive device-- I seen this one movie where they stuck somethin' inside a man and blew him up by just pressin' a button."

"Let me assure you, Mr. Twist, we implanted a tracking device-- and that is all."

"Where is it?"

"In your left arm, just above your elbow."

"How far can this thing track a person?" Jack asked, rubbin' the spot on his arm.

"Almost anywhere on this planet."

Ennis was amazed and terrified; he never knew this was possible-- thought this was only the stuff of science fiction. And some of them questions Jack was askin' didn't seem too far from crazy ta Ennis.

"Is there anywhere I can't be detected?" Jack asked. "Like a cave or a lead building? --you know like Superman can't see through lead?"

"Like a dampening field?" Karen suggested.

"We don't call them dampening fields-- that's a term used on Star Trek," Chan shrugged. "But the signal is weakened where electronic equipment is concentrated."

"I can't believe I've walked around and dropped bread crumbs the whole way," Jack said, pacin' back and forth between Linden and Ennis, Nina guidin' him. "They've followed me, you've followed me. Is there anyone in the free world who hasn't followed me? And who the hell puts tracking devices inside of people? Thought that only happened in movies! Jesus Christ, I'm not fuckin' James Bond!"

"You'd be surprised how much our government relies on such technology, Mr. Twist."

Jack rubbed above his elbow again. "Well, I want it the fuck out of me."

"So your plan is to take this chip out?" Linden said doubtfully. "What's to keep you from putting another right back in?"

"No, we won't. Not unless we find who leaked the information. There's no point in putting in another chip-- they'd track his movements with that, too."

"Christ on a crutch," Jack said. "Is there anything else?"

"We do have information that you knew something that they felt was a threat to them," Chan continued. Jack groaned. "Had you questioned LD Newsome about anything prior to your accident? Could have been regarding financial transactions."

Jack shook his head. "Lureen does the books. She'd of noticed anything funny. I reckon she'd of gone to her daddy first if she'd found something wrong since he is her daddy, but she'd have said somethin' ta me after. And I'm the one they went after that night, not her, thank god." Jack's head swung around to Elysburg. "How much danger is she in? Ya think they was worried she might of told me something?"

Linden was listenin' with his head down, kickin' stones with his shoes while Jack worked his jaw. 

"It's possible, but I don't think so," Chan answered for him. "I believe you're right. If they thought she knew something, they would have messed with her, not you."

"Wherever they are now, they're off our radar," Elysburg added. "We don't know, so I'd say they're safe for now."

"There could be a second set of books that your wife doesn't know about," Chan suggested.

"If there is, LD would keep them far away from me. No way he'd let Lureen near something shady either."

"Nothing has turned up in our investigation," Elysburg added.

"I bet," Linden mumbled under his breath.

"So you think I know somethin' but don't remember?" Jack asked Chan.

"My guess is that what you know is something you've overlooked-- something you consider insignificant. Did you argue with Newsome about anything in the weeks before?"

"Christ, that's the problem-- I argue with him about everything."

Linden suddenly stepped between Jack and Chan, blue fire in his eyes, smackin' his head with the palm of his hand.

"Hold on. Don't say another word, Jack," Linden said. "I knew something wasn't right. Leak! Leak my ass! There was no leak. It was intentional. You leaked information!" Linden looked squarely at Chan. 

Karen's eyes lit up. "Why didn't I see this before? What were you hoping--" she asked, turnin' to Chan. "That Jack would get picked up, and they'd take him to their leader?" 

"That would be highly unlikely," Chan said. "They'd remove the chip immediately; they'd never leave it in."

"Not unless you put another one in there that they don't know about!" Linden shouted.

"You're being paranoid, Mr. Linden," Elysburg said.

"I don't think he is," Jack said. 

"There's two in him?" Ennis asked. Overthrowin' Mexican government, trackin' chips. Like some mini-Watergate what-did-they-know-and-when-did-they-know-it sort of shit. This was all too confusin'. And these fed weren't givin' straight answers. 

Hit Ennis like a bolt. They'd wanted Jack ta git kidnapped. They'd planned it that way. That's why they done put in the chips. 

"If Linden's right and you put two chips in Jack, one chip them bad guys know about and one they don't," Ennis said, head rearin' up, "you've been hopin' they'd git Jack, and track him to wherever they took him!  You slimmy low-down excuse fer--"

Jack hands were on Ennis, holdin' him back again. Ennis pulled back, fer Jack's sake. Ennis let Jack lead him out of earshot from the rest. Jack moved in close, mouth near his ear, "Ennis," he whispered, "they ain't got me. Calm down, fella."

"But they was trackin' ya," Ennis said back, quiet-like. "They was hopin' that these Mexican revolutionaries, or whoever the hell they are, were gonna show themselves-- Chan don't care what happens to ya, Jack. He knew you were alone, livin' in squalor in that shack. Them men who beat ya coulda come back. Ya coulda got hurt again, Jack. Ya coulda got hurt again bad." 

"But they didn't-- you found me, and now I'm here."

"They don't give a shit what happens to ya," Ennis said, frownin'.

"No, probably not. I don't trust em none either, but this ain't goin' away by itself. We need their help, Ennis."

They both walked back to the circle. The others had watched the quiet exchange between Jack and Ennis. 

"I think there's something else to this," Karen said slowly. "If we reasoned there were two chips, I bet those revolutionary lunatics have too. After all, they've eluded the US government. It'd be stupid to take Jack somewhere sensitive to their operation."

"We do want Twist to lure them in," Chan admitted. "And you're right. They more than likely found out Jack had two chips in him. They've been waiting and watching, biding their time."

"We do need Jack's cooperation," Elysburg admitted. "We'd like them to show themselves, but we also need to know how they plan the coup." 

"But why would they show their hand knowing that Jack's leading you to them?" Karen asked.

"They'll think he's clean, because he will be," Chan said.

"What?" Jack said.

"We remove everything," Chan said.

"And they'd just believe me? Why? Because I'm such an honest guy?" Jack asked sarcastically. 

"Like they won't check for themselves--" Linden added. "Of course they will. And they won't have anesthetic handy either."

"Nothing will happen to him," Elysburg said.

"You can't guarantee that--" Karen said. Ennis knew she was right-- there was no way he could make them kind of assurances.

Ennis felt sick in the pit of his stomach thinkin' of anyone cuttin' on Jack, hurtin' him that way-- those people would do that too. Didn't sound like they'd stop at much ta git what they wanted. And what if they thought Jack knew somethin' and was keepin' it from em? Ennis didn't even want ta think what they'd do ta Jack.

"Jack ain't gonna be human bait," Ennis said.

"And how's this going to work without getting anyone killed?" Karen asked.

"We set it up so Jack is alone."

"Come on! They'll know it's a set up," Linden said.

"They won't suspect," said Chan. 

"This ain't happenin'. No way I'm lettin' Jack do this," Ennis said. Cold fear filled his guts. He looked at Jack, his Jack. No way he'd let him do this.

Was like Jack knew what Ennis was thinkin'-- turned right ta Ennis and said, "It ain't up ta you."

"Hell it ain't," Ennis flew back at him."This could get you killed!. I can't live through that. Not again."

"What are we gonna do then, Ennis? What's the difference? I'm already am in danger-- you are too. We all are! Lureen and Bobby. Everyone we care about can be hurt by this. And what about all those other people we don't know? Are their lives worth less? I couldn't live with myself if someone got hurt, and I did nothing. I gotta do it. It's the right thing to do."

"Doing the right thing can get you killed," Ennis said.

"I want this over with. Ain't no way out I can see a way out-- and I ain't sayin' that as a blind man-- it's a fact. I want to hear what these fellas have in mind," Jack said. "I want this over. I want a real life."

"Christ, Jack." Ennis knew it was over. No more arguing with Jack-- he'd made up his stubborn jack-ass of a mind already and had his heels dug in deep. 

"What do you need from me?" Jack asked Chan.

"We need to know specifics," he answered. "When this is going down and how. You're the only resource we have now since we lost our inside man."

"You lost your inside man?" Linden said. "Lost as in dead lost?"

"We haven't heard from him since he went to a small villa outside of Puebla three weeks ago." Chan straightened his back and stretched. "It's not unusual for an agents in deep cover to drop off the radar for weeks or months without us hearing a word from them, especially in sensitive situations like this."

Ennis felt worse by the moment. Had even less confidence in these here men. Didn't look good if they couldn't keep track of their own man, how was they gonna protect Jack? Guess that was gonna be up ta him.

"First we need to figure out what Twist knows," Elysburg said, turnin' to Jack. "Think. Go through some of those disagreements you had with Newsome just before your accident--"

"Weren't no accident," Ennis interrupted.

"Alright, the attack. Think. What did you disagree about?"

"Well, one day we argued about Bobby and gettin' a tutor for him. LD said he didn't need no tutor, Bobby was just lazy and needed a good kick in the ass. LD is one stupid mother fucker."

"What else?"

"Said I didn't need no hour lunch break no more. Said I 'goofed off' on his time enough. I told him I'd take an hour if he gave it to me or not. Screw him. And then there was the blow-up over repairs on that Mr. Henley's John Deere that was still under our extended warranty that LD didn't want to cover. I told him he was gonna honor it, but he said to shove it up my ass. I just paid for it out of my own pocket instead. That old farmer bought every piece of equipment he owned from LD. I figured I made enough in commission off Henley, I felt I owed it to him, even if LD didn't think he owed him jack-shit-- ah--"

"Something else?" Chen asked.

"Yeah, we argued about fertilizer."

"Fertilizer?" Linden asked.

"Yeah, this fertilizer I found out we was transportin'. I asked LD, 'When'd we get into the business of haulin' shit,' and he shot back, 'What the hell you talkin' about?' Told me, 'We ain't haulin' shit.' I mean, I know haulin' fertilizer ain't like haulin' daisies, but I didn't see no shame in it except them drivers were illegal as hell, but that ain't abnormal. People use illegals all the time on farms and ranches. I reckoned LD thought he was too good ta be haulin' shit for a livin'. Lots of jokes about sellin' shit. Not somethin' LD wanted associated with himself. Bobby learned about a thing called a stigma and told me--"

"What kind of fertilizer?" Chan interrupted.

"Don't know. Shit is shit, isn't it?"

The agents looked at each other. 

"Some fertilizers are used in explosives," Chan said. "Ammonium nitrate is one."

"Fuck," was all Jack said. It was enough fer Ennis ta know that was right. They all stood dead still; the only sound came from the waves slappin' the rocky shore of Lake Casa Blanca. Linden broke the silence, his voice barely audible over the waves, but it was clear enough ta Ennis. It was what everyone else was thinkin'.

"They're making a bomb." 

----------------------

The ride back tired Jack more than he wanted ta admit. Ennis and Linden were both quiet. Linden drove and Ennis sat in the middle, leavin' Jack to share the fresh air with Nina. Jack's brain wouldn't shut down-- reckoned theirs wouldn't either. Jack was relieved; the agents relented-- let Jack go on his way. Let him go without Ennis takin' them apart or them takin' Ennis apart, whichever might of come first. Was able ta stop Ennis from doin' somethin' foolish more than a couple of times. 

Wished he could of seen them agents' faces, seen into their eyes. Had to rely on their voices and Nina next ta him. Hated that he missed so much. All them little things added up. Way Ennis thought Jack needed defendin' was both irksome and endearin'. He hated and loved that about Ennis. Hated and loved the way Ennis grudgingly stepped back and let Jack make the call. Jack didn't want ta be the one makin' the decision, but he had no choice. 

Knew Ennis never would agree ta Jack as bait. Ennis didn't argue none after Jack made up his mind though. After all these years, Ennis knew better than to try to change Jack's mind when he'd made a hard decision. 

Puttin' his life out there to stop this was a scary thought. Hated bein' blind. Hated it. Made him feel helpless. But feelin' helpless and bein' helpless weren't the same-- that was one point that them bad guys didn't understand and it was a weakness Jack intended ta use ta turn this whole mess on its head. 

Some ways not seein' was better. Made him notice what other people didn't notice-- like how Chan hesitated and his voice raised just a hair when he was holdin' back information. Or how, although he couldn't see the fear in Ennis' eyes, he could smell the fear on him. Really smell it. Wasn't nothin' much, knowed he was the only one could tell, but Ennis got that musky scent to him when he was scared. Almost the same scent he got when he wanted ta go at Jack hot 'n heavy.

Jack reckoned not seein' had brought ta him layers of sensory complexities that he never would have known. Still he'd give anything if he could just see the freckles on Ennis' face one more time. 

Jack pined for his loss for a few more minutes, but came back to the fuckin' mess they was in. Nina nuzzled his neck then settled down, puttin' her head in his lap. He was just as afraid as Ennis was that someone was gonna end up dead-- except Jack feared more fer Ennis. He was hot-headed. The conspiracy to overthrow the Mexican government was nil compared to Ennis pickin' fights with FBI agents. Coulda got himself shot back there.

Ennis, conspiracy, ammonium nitrate and imposed identifiers pushed Jack's nerves to the edge. Half way back to the cabin, one of  them knee-bendin', stomach-churnin' migraines had Jack in a vise. Ennis knew Jack had a headache before Jack did. Jack knew he was moanin' but couldn't help it. Nina was whimperin' too-- her nose cold under his chin. Ennis asked Jack right off if there were any of them pills in the glove compartment or in his pocket. Jack told him, "No." When they got to the cabin, both Linden and Ennis helped Jack outta the cab and inside-- usually Jack woulda brushed off that much fussin', but he was right thankful ta have em there. Legs were mush, and he was dizzy-- no way he coulda made it on his own.

Seemed all three were deep in thought, all fixed on the mess they was in even after they got inside. Jack couldn't stop it spillin' over and over; he reckoned that most likely was the cause of his headache. Fixated on how he'd stumbled on to the explosives: how this group was stockpiling and transporting them. Jack still couldn't believe he had them things called "chips" inside him, like little beepers lettin' both sides know where he was. Wondered how much they could tell from them. Imagined they only knew where he was, not what he was doin'. They said they couldn't just push a button and make him move like some robot or blow him to kingdom-come. Jack reckoned they was tellin' the truth-- guess he'd watched too many late night science fiction movies. 

Ennis helped Jack to the couch, arm around his waist. Let him down easy on the cushions. Jack laid his head back into the pillow. Swallowed. 

Science fiction.

One thing wasn't science fiction-- them people watchin' were real close. Real close. Wondered, where they was watchin' him from. Feds were certain that soon as they put their plan into action and left Jack alone, those bad guys would be inside this cabin faster than a jackrabbit.  

"Jack, ya ok?"

Jack nodded. "Hurts," Jack answered. "Need one of them pills."

Benito. He was involved in all this now along with the Sister and Karen and Linden and Lureen and Bobby. So many people who'd helped them, and this was their thanks. The doc, he'd helped Ennis and him without knowin' a thing about them. Took 'em in just from Sister Sarita's word. Was good that there was some people in the world ta trust. The feds-- they was people who Jack didn't trust one lick, but knew he didn't have no choice but ta throw in with them.

He'd agreed ta let a "fed" doctor come and take the damn chips out of him right here in the cabin. He was comin' here tomorrow. Jack told them men he wanted the chips, "Take 'em both out and give 'em to me fer souvenirs." But it weren't no joke. He wanted them chips. They was proof. He didn't want no one cuttin' him up and lookin' for them. These revolutionaries wouldn't have a doctor. Most likely only a knife-- a really big knife. Jack wanted them chips so's he could physically show them bastards the two chips when they come for him. 

"When they come for me."

Head pounded like white heat. Didn't even realize he said them words out loud until Ennis whispered, "Jack," and he felt his lover's touch on his temples.

Ennis slipped one of them pills in Jack's mouth and helped him wash it down with a glass of water, tippin' his head up with his hand. Fingers brushed his forehead, and Jack moaned. 

Jack understood it was up ta him to get them talkin', ta find out about the explosives and what their plan was regardin' them. Jack wasn't no trained special agent. The feds had spent some time preppin' him today after Jack consented ta do this, but Jack wasn't sure of himself. They said, when they brung that man in to remove the chips, they'd fill him and the rest in on the particulars. 

Jack begun ta wonder about the place they was stayin' since this whole spy novel shit came up-- like maybe the cabin was bugged. When Jack asked, Chan had told him, no. They've been watching the cabin too and ain't no one been in there but those who was welcomed in.

Finally what ate at Jack was he knew how thin Ennis' grasp was on that sweet life. Knew Ennis' fears. Jack didn't know how to still that fear when that same fear ate at Jack too. They were so close to that life. So close. The last weeks were like heaven havin' Ennis with him-- an Ennis who supported him with words and touches Jack never had before. Ennis said, "I love you." Jack had wished to hear them words for oh, so many years. Now, he'd heard them, felt them in the pit of his soul-- what would happen if one of them didn't make it and left the other all alone? Knew Ennis feared some dark angel was swoopin' down to take this all away. Knew it 'cause Jack feared it too.

Ennis curled in next ta him on the couch. Nina jumped up to warm their feet. All their legs wound together, and Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack, feather-kissed his neck. Cramped but cozy. Mist came. Covered Jack's pain like the afghan over them. Love replaced worry as Jack fell asleep.

TBC

Comments

[el-wing.livejournal.com]

Thanks for thanking me, but I believe feedback is the ultimate gift to writers. Thank you for your heartfelt comments.

I don't want to give away future parts of the plot, but just know that Nina is the touchstone in the story-- what she senses about people is dead on. Hope that helps you regarding Benito and his friendship with Ennis.

On Linden and foreshadowing, I'm not going to be too forthcoming.

Thanks so much for commenting, Janice.

el